Blondes

The Blonde and the Alligator A young blonde was on vacation and driving through the Everglades. She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle on prices" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Well then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator, so I can get a pair of shoes free!" The shopkeeper said with a sly, knowing smile, "Little lady, just go and give it a try!"

The blonde headed out toward the swamps, determined to catch an alligator. Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he pulls over to the side of the levee where he spots that same young woman standing waist deep in the murky bayou water, shotgun in hand.

Just then, he spots a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning speed, she takes aim, kills the creature and hauls it onto the slimy bank of the swamp. Lying nearby were seven more of the dead creatures, all lying on their backs.

The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement. The blonde struggled and flipped the gator onto its back.

Rolling her eyes heaven-ward and screaming in great frustration, she shouts out, "SHIT! .This one is barefoot too...

Are You Finish A virile, young Italian gentlemen named Guido was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde woman. Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senseless. After a pleasant interlude he asked with a smile, "So, you finish?"

She paused for a second, frowned, and replid, "No."

Surprised, Guido reached for her and the rattling resumed. This time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion. The sex finally ends and, again, Guido smiles and asks, "You finish?"

Again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him and softly says, "No."

Stunned, but damned if this woman is going to outlast him, Guido reaches for the woman yet again. Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they end together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets. Exhausted, Guido falls onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly and asked again, "You finish?"

Barely able to speak, the beautiful blonde whispers in his ear, "No, I Norwegian."

The Game A lawyer and a blonde gal happen to be sitting next to each other on a long flight from L.A. to New York. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists, saying that the game is really easy and a lot of fun.

He explains how the game works. "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me, and vice-versa."

Again the blonde politely declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer figures he's pretty smart and since his opponent is a blonde he will easily win the match, so he makes another offer.

"Okay, how about this? If you don't know the answer you pay me only $5, but if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, she agrees to play the game.

The lawyer asks the first question . . "What's the distance from the earth to the moon ?"

The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"

The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Air-phone with his modem and searches the Internet and even the Library of Congress. Frustrated he sends E-mails to all his co-workers and friends he knows. All to no avail.

After over an hour of searching for the answer he finally gives up. He wakes the blonde and hands her $500.

The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep. The lawyer, who can't believe he's been outsmarted by a blonde, is going nuts trying to figure it out. He's more than a little frustrated!

He wakes the blonde again and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"

The blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep

One Of My Kids A GUY GOES TO A SUPERMARKET AND NOTICES A BEAUTIFUL BLONDE WAVE AT HIM FROM THE PRODUCE SECTION. SHE THEN EXCITEDLY PUSHES HER CART OVER TO HIS AISLE AND SAYS, "HI THERE!!"
HE'S RATHER TAKEN ABACK, BECAUSE HE CAN'T PLACE WHERE HE KNOWS HER FROM. SO HE ASKS, "I'M SORRY, DO YOU KNOW ME?"
TO WHICH SHE REPLIES, "I THINK YOU'RE THE FATHER OF ONE OF MY KIDS!"
NOW HE THINKS BACK TO THE ONLY TIME HE HAS EVER BEEN UNFAITHFUL TO HIS WIFE, AND ASKS, "MY GOD, ARE YOU THE STRIPPER FROM MY BACHELOR PARTY THAT I HAD SEX WITH ON THE POOL TABLE WHILE ALL MY BUDDIES WATCHED, AND YOUR PARTNER WHIPPED MY ASS WITH WET CELERY AND THEN STUCK A CARROT UP MY BUTT?"
THE BEAUTIFUL BLONDE RESPONDED "NO, I'M YOUR SONS MATH TEACHER!"

Lion Tamer. A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two young people show up. One is a good looking guy in his mid- twenties and the other is a gorgeous blonde about the same age. The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you both better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment - a chair, a whip, and a gun. Who wants to try out first?" The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her, so she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body. The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her ankles. He continues to lick her calves, kisses them, and then rests his head at her feet. The circus owner's mouth is on the floor. He remarks, "I've never seen a display like that in my life." He then turns to the young man and asks, "Can you top that?" "No problem," replies the young man, "just get that lion out of the way."

Paint Job. A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood.
She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

Sheep. There was a blonde who was tired of all the blonde jokes going around and decided to dye her hair brown.
She then went for a drive in the country and came upon a shepherd herding his sheep across the road.
"Hey, shepherd! If I guess how many sheep there are here, can I keep one?"
The shepherd is puzzled but agrees.
Out of the blue, she blurts out "352!"
He is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick out a sheep.
She picks out the cutest one.
He looks at her and says "If I guess what color your hair really is, can I have my dog back?"

Cheating. A brunette, a redhead and a blonde are in a breast stroke race.
The starter's gun goes off and the three girls dive into the pool.
The brunette and the redhead shoot across the pool and get out; 20 minutes later the blonde reaches the end and gets out.
The judge says, "The gold medal goes to the brunette, the silver medal goes to the redhead, and the bronze goes to the blonde".
The blonde says, "I don't want to be a sore loser, but I think the other girls were using their arms."

Open Wide. A blonde is suffering from a sore throat so she goes to see the doctor.
She explains the problem to the doctor who asks her to sit down.
He gets out his light and says, "Open wide".
"I can't," replies the blonde, "the chair's fitted with arms."!

Too Many Drinks. When asked by their host if she would like another drink, the attractive blonde bowed her head slightly and said,
"No thank you. My husband limits me to one drink."
"Why is that," the host asked?
Her reply... "Because after one drink I can feel it; after two drinks ...anyone can!"

Burnt Blonde. A blonde with two burnt ears went to the doctor, who asked what had happened.
"The phone rang, and I accidentally picked up the iron."
"What about the other one?"
"They called back."

Coach. A blonde buys a plane ticket to Miami. (It's a coach Ticket). When she gets on the plane she sits in first class.
The steward who checks tickets says, "I'm so sorry, this is a coach ticket and your sitting in 1st class."
"I can do What-eva I want, I'm a blonde." Well I'll get the pilot.
The pilot comes and whispers in the blondes ear and she leaves. The steward looks amazed and says," What did you say?"
The pilot simply says," I told her 1st class wasn't going to Miami, just coach was!!!"

Kidnap. A blonde, out of money and down on her luck after buying air at a real bargain, needed money desperately. To raise cash, she decided to kidnap a child and hold him for ransom.
She went to the local playground, grabbed a kid randomly, took her behind a building, and told her, "I've kidnapped you.
" She then wrote a big note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and leave it under the apple tree next to the slides on the south side of the playground. Signed, A blonde."
The blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the apple tree. The blonde looked in the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"

Capitals. A dumb blonde was bragging about her knowledge of the state capitals of the United States. She proudly announced, "go ahead, ask me any of the capitals, I know all of them." A red head said, "O.K., what's the capital of Wyoming?" The blonde replied, "Oh, that's easy, 'W'."

New Boat. During late spring one year, a blonde was trying out her new boat. She was unable to have her boat perform, travel through water, or do any maneuvers whatsoever no matter how hard she tried.
After trying for over three days to make it work properly, she decided to seek help. She putted the boat over to the local marina in hopes that someone there could identify her problem.
Workers determined that everything from the engine to the outdrive was working perfectly on the topside of the boat. So, a puzzled marina employee jumped into the water to check underneath the boat for problems. Because he was laughing so hard, he came up choking on water and gasping for air. Under the boat, still strapped in place securely, was the trailer.

Accident. One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.
The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.
He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.
Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.
The blonde started laughing.
This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.
This time the blonde laughed even harder.
Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.
The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.
The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"

Two factory workers were talking. "I think I'll take some time off from work." Said the man.
"How do you think you'll do that?" said the blonde.
He proceeded to show her....by climbing up to the rafters, and hanging upside down.
The boss walked in, saw the worker hanging from the ceiling, and asked him what on earth he was doing.
"I'm a light bulb" answered the guy.
"I think you need some time off," said the boss.
So, the man jumped down and walked out of the factory.
The blonde began walking out too.
The boss asked her...where did you think you are going.
The blonde answered, "Home. I can't work in the dark".

Fixing the car One day this blonde took her car into the body shop after a minor accident. The vehicle had a large number of dents and wrinkles. The shop manager, noticing that she was blonde, decided to have a little fun.
"All you have to do" he advised, "is take the car home and blow into that pipe that sticks out of the back, it's called the tail pipe, and the dents and wrinkles should just pop out".
Being true to her nature she did as she was instructed. About a half-hour later her friend (also a blonde) happened by asked asked what was going on. After she was told about the accident and of the instructions given her by the man at the body shop she exclaimed "DUHHHHHHHH, how dumb can you be cause that's never gonna' work till you roll up the windows".

710 A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage. A blonde came in and asked for a Seven-hundred-ten.
We all looked at each other and another customer asked, "What is a seven-hundred-ten?" She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one."
She replied that she did not know, but this piece had always been there.
He gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710.
He then took her over to another car, which had its hood up and asked, "Is there a 710 on this car?"
She pointed and said, "Of course, its right there."

Losing Your Load As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load." The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.
When the truck stops for another red light, the girl again catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!" Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street.
At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!" When the light turns green, the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says...
"Hi, my name is Kevin, and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!"

Death in the Family One day, a blonde's neighbor goes over to her house, sees the blonde crying, and asks her what happened. The blonde said that her mother had passed away. The neighbor made her some coffee and calmed her down a little and then left. The next day the neighbor went back over to the house and found the blonde crying again. She asked her why she was crying this time.
''I just got off of the phone with my sister, her mother died too!''

Blonde Jokes A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a small town. He's going through his usual run of stupid blonde jokes, when a large, blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says, "I've heard just about enough of your blonde jokes! What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does a person's physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being?" The ventriloquist looks on in amazement.
"It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my community," she continued, "and of reaching my full potential as a person because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women at large... all in the name of humor."
Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize. The blonde interjects, "You stay out of this, mister, I'm talking to that little bastard on your knee!"

Q & A What do you give a blonde who has everything?
Penicillin.
How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
Wave!
Why don't blondes wear miniskirts in San Francisco? Because their balls hang out!

Eating One day, a blonde went to the doctor's office with a carrot in one ear, a cucumber in the other ear and two peas up her nose. When the doctor asked what was wrong, she complained she wasn't feeling well. The doctor told her it was because she wasn't eating right.

Horseback Riding A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and it immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip.
She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.
She starts to lose consciousness, but to her great fortune, Bobby, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.

Blank One day, a blonde was looking through a notebook. "Have you found a blank piece yet?" said her blonde friend.
"Nope," said the blonde. "Somebody's gone through and drawn lines across all the pages.

Lotto A blonde owned a small business that she was about to lose, so she went to the church and prayed: “God, if I don't win the lotto, I will lose my business.” She didn't win. So the next day she was about to lose her business and her car. She went to the church to pray: “God, if I don't win the lotto, I will lose my business and my car.” Still, she didn't win.
So the next day she was about to lose her buisness, her car and her house. She went to the church to pray: “God, if I don't win the lotto, I will loose my business, my car and my house.”
Then suddenly the blonde was surrounded by a blinding white light, and she heard the booming voice of God declare, “Buy a ticket.”

Magic Mirror A Blonde, a Redhead and a Brunette go into a bar. The bartender tells them there is a magic mirror in the ladies room, if you say one true thing you will recieve the desire of your heart, but if you tell a lie you will be sucked into the mirror forever. The Redhead walks in and says "I think I am the most intelligent woman here" and *poof* a million dollars falls in her hands. The Brunette walks in and say "I think I am the most beautiful woman here" and *poof* the keys to a mustang falls into her hands. Next the Blonde walks in and says "I think..." and *poof* she disappears into the mirror forever.

Horse One day a blonde decided to face her fears and go riding on a horse. It was easy for her to get on and she was doing just fine until the horse started to go faster. She started slipping off the saddle. She couldnt hold on to the horse and her head started hitting the ground. She was almost knocked unconsious when the Walmart manager came out and unplugged the machine.

Don't Sell to Blondes One day a blonde walked in a shop and asked how much that tv cost and the guy said sorry we dont sell to blondes. So the blond goes home and changes her hair color then goes to the shop and asks again about the tv but the guy says sorry we dont sell to blondes. So the blonde gets really mad and goes home, changes her clothes, hair color, everything then the next day she goes to the shop and asked how much is this tv sir.. The guy said gosh lady we dont sell to blondes then the blonde said how do you know im a blonde the guy said because thats a microwave not a tv....

Boiling Water A blonde went to the doctor's with burnt feet, "how did you do it" asked the doctor" "cooking soup" the instructions said "open can, stand in boiling water for 7 minutes"

Blind Man A mother of two 16 yr. old BLONDE daughters had just bought a new house in a new town. So they were buying paint, shades and all that you would need for a new place. The mother left the house to go shopping. She told the girls that she wanted them to paint the family room but, NOT get any paint on their clothes. After the mother left the two daughters decided that they should just take off all their clothes to obey their mother. So there they were painting naked when they heard a knock at the door. So they both went to the door and said,"Who is it?" The reply was,"The blind man." So the two blondes thought...He's blind, so he won't be able to see us naked. They let him in. The man said,"Nice tits lady , now where do you want the blinds?"

Dollar Two Blonde men were in the woods hunting. One looked at the other and said, "I've got to take a dump." The other said, "Well go behind one of those big trees, and do it." The first one said, "But I don't have any paper to wipe with." The other blonde replied, "You have a dollar, don't you?" The first one said, "Yeah, I've got a dollar. That's a great idea-- I'll use that!" He left and came back with poop all over his hands and clothes. His friend looked at him and asked, "What in the hell happened to you?" The first one replied, "Have you ever tried to wipe your butt with 3 quarters, 2 dimes, and a nickel?"

Across A blonde was staring dumfounded at a rushing river blocking her path. As she wondered how to cross, she saw another blonde on the other side. She yelled "Hey, can you help me get to the other side?" The other blonde replied "You ARE on the other side!!!!"

Still Winning There was a beautiful young blonde who was going to a soda machine and she arrived there just before a business man coming to quench his thirst. She opened her purse and put in 50 cents, studied the machine a little, pushed a Diet Coke selection, and out came a Diet Coke which she placed on a counter by the machine. Then she reached in her purse again and pulled out a dollar and inserted it in the machine. Studying the machine carefully, she pushed the button for Coke Classic and out came a Coke Classic and 50 cents change. She immediately took the 50 cents and put it in the machine, studied it for a moment and pushed the Mountain Dew button. Out came a Mountain Dew. As she was reaching into her purse again, the business man who had been waiting patiently for several minutes now spoke up. "Excuse me Ms. but are you done yet?" She looked at him and indignantly replied: "Well Duhhh!, I'm still winning"

Coffee Maker There was a blonde who got instructions mixed up all the time. When she got married her husband bought her one of those fancy, electric coffee makers. It had all the latest gadgets on it. A salesman carefully explained how everything worked .. how to plug it in, set the timer, go back to bed, and upon rising, the coffee is ready. A few weeks later the blonde was back in the store and the salesman asked her how she liked the coffee maker. Wonderful! she replied, However, there's one thing I don't understand. Why do I have to go to bed every time I want to make a pot of coffee?

Breathalyzer A cop stops a blonde woman who was driving down a motorway. "Miss, may I see your driver's licence please?" "Driver's licence? What's that?..." "It's a little card with your picture on it." "Oh, duh! Here it is..." "May I have your car insurance?" "What's that?..." "It's a document that says you are allowed to drive the car." "Oh this? Duh! Here you go..." The cop then takes his dick out of his pants, while the blonde exclaims: "Oh no, not another breathalyser test!"

How Many? A blonde and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends: Brunette: Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row! Blonde: That's nothing; last night I had over a hundred. Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that good. Blonde: (looking shocked) Oh, you mean with one guy.

Sink? This blonde and her boyfriend were sitting in a hot tub when the blonde said to her boyfriend, "Is it true that if you pull you finger out, I'll sink?"

Tracks Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks." The other blonde looks and says "Those aren't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks." "No. Those are deer tracks." They keep arguing, and arguing, and one half hour later they were both killed by a train.

Facts and Q and A's Q:How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!
Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. Blonde#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked! Blonde#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain and the top is down!
Q:What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
A: Run like hell...she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.
Q:What two things in the air can get a blonde pregnant?
A: Her feet!
Q:How did the blonde die drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on her.
Q:How did the blonde burn her nose?
A: Bobbing for French fries.
Q:Why don't blondes like to make Kool-Aid?
A: They can't get all that water in the little package.
Q:How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.
Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
A: Because it says right on it good for up to 20 pounds.
Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
Q: Why aren't there many blonde gymnasts?
A: Because when they do the splits, they stick to the floor.
Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.
Q: Why did the blonde try to steal a police car?
A: She saw 911 and thought it was a Porsche.
Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
A: Last year's hide and seek champ.
Q: How do you get a blonde pregnant?
A: Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde track team and a tribe of sly pygmies?
A: One's a bunch a cunning runts.
Q: What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde?
A: The prostitute says, Aren't you done yet? The nympho says, Are you done already? The blonde says, Beige...I think I'll paint the ceiling beige.

Blonde Game One day a brunette was walking along a railroad track saying "41, 41, 41, 41". Then a blonde walks by and says to herself " Oh, that looks likes fun!!" So she joins the brunette in saying "41,41,41" etc. Then a train comes and the brunette immediately jupms off the tracks. Then she jumps back on the tracks saying"42,42,42."

Riddle There was a large square drawn on the ground. Santa was standing in one corner. In the other corners were the toothfairy, a smart blonde, and the easter bunny. A thousand dollar bill was dropped in the middle. Who got it first?
Answer: Nobody got it cuz none of them exist

Q: Why did the blond write TGIF on the bottom of her shoe?
A: Toes Go In First

The Movie A blonde decides to do something wild she hasn't done before, so she sets out to rent her first X-rated adult video. She goes to the video store and, after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds *VERY* stimulating. She drives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape in the VCR. To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video store to complain. "I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tape, but static." The Store Clerk replied, "Sorry about, that. We've had problems with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?" To which the Blonde answered, "It's called 'Head Cleaner' ".

T.G.I.F. This blonde goes into an elevator and a bellboy was in there. She said T.G.I.F. and the bell boy says S.H.I.T. The blonde says T.G.I.F. and the bellboy says S.H.I.T. The blonde says T.G.I.F. and the bellboy say S.H.I.T. The blonde says "Thank god it's Friday and the bellboy says " Sorry honey it's Thursday"

Interview The executive was interviewing a young blonde for a position in his company. He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, "If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?" The blonde quickly responded, "The living one."

Audit A blonde walks past three men in the office who are all bemoaning the fact they are about to be audited during the coming month. Says the first guy with a groan, "I'm screwed!" "I'm screwed, too!" says the other guy, slapping his forehead. "Guys, I am about to be screwed beyond all recognition by this audit!" exclaims the third guy in anguish. Just then, one of the guys notices the blonde who has been standing there listening. She now has a very thoughtful look on her face. "Are you OK?" asks the guy. "Yes," replies the blonde, "but I was wondering... How do I go about getting audited?"

Bus Stop A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capitol building. Unfortunately, she couldn't find it, so she asked a police officer for directions, "Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol building?" The officer replied, "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. It'll take you right there." She thanked the officer and he drives off. Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and, sure enough, the blonde is still waiting at the same bus stop. The officer got out of his car and said, "Excuse me, but to get to the Capitol building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus. That was three hours ago. Why are you still waiting?" The blonde replied, "Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now. The 45th bus just went by!"

More Q and A's Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?
A: Because they can't get their head in the jar.
Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.
Q: What do Blondes say after sex?
A1: Thanks Guys.
Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?
A: "Thanks for the refill!"
Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blond's ear?
A: Data transfer.
Q: What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
Q: Why did the blonde have a sore navel?
A: Because her boyfriend was also blond!

WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (the actual AP headline) Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her inlaws, and while there, went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour. The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid. And, yes, Linda is a blonde.