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Upon completion of the test, both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Bubba and said: "Thank you for your interest but we've decided to give the Yankee the job." Bubba asked: "And why are you giving him the job? We both got nine questions correct. This being Louisiana, and me being a Southern boy, I should get the job!" The manager said: "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but rather on the one question that you both missed." Bubba then asked: "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?" The manager replied: "Bubba, it's like this... on question #4 the Yankee put down "I don't know." And you put down "Neither do I." So I call my baby girl, LaKeesha, to come to my house, and when she get here, I say, "Baby girl, I want you to take this check over to your momma house and tell her this be the last check she ever be getting from me, and I want you to come back and tell me the 'expression on your mama face." So, my baby girl take the check over to her momma. I be anxious to hear what she say, and bout the 'expression on her face. Baby girl walk through the door, I say, "Now what your momma say 'bout that?" She say to tell you that "you ain't really my daddy" .... and watch the 'expression on your face"!!! "We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Bubba, "but we don't have a ladder." The blonde woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, a measurement, announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away. Junior shook his head and laughed. "Ain't that just like a dumb blonde! We ask for the height, and she gives us the length!"   the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other redneck starts to panic, then whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He frantically blurts out to the operator, "O my gawd! Help! My friend just died. He's Dead! What can I do?" The operator, trying to calm him says, "Take it easy. I can help. Just listen to me and follow my instructions. First, lets make sure he's dead." There's a short pause, and then the operator hears a loud gun shot!!!  He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the medical director became aware of Edna's heroic act he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered her to be mentally stable. When he went to tell Edna the news he said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself right after you saved him with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead." Edna replied "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry....How soon can I go Home?" He does't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other redneck starts to panic, then whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He frantically blurts out to the operator, "O my gawd! Help! My friend just died. He's Dead! What can I do?" The operator, trying to calm him says, "Take it easy. I can help. Just listen to me and follow my instructions. First, lets make sure he's dead. " There's a short pause, and then the operator hears a loud gun shot!!! The redneck comes back on the line and says, "OK, now what? The boy asked, "Paw, What's 'at?" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I dunno. I ain't never seen anything like that in my entire life, I ain't got no idea'r what it is." While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Then the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24-year-old blonde woman stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his Son, "Boy, go git yo Momma.... " The three of them were really close, together all the time, so they would surely know if it were Bubba. Daryl went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Daryl looked and said, "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over." So the mortician rolled him over and Daryl looked and said, "Nope, that ain't Bubba." The mortician thought that was rather strange and he was pretty sure of the body's identity. Gomer was then brought in to identify the body. Gomer took a look at him and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad. Roll him over." The mortician rolled him over and Gomer looked down and said, "Nope, that ain't Bubba." The mortician asked, "How can you tell?" Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two assholes." " What? He had two assholes?" asked the mortician. "Yup, everyone knew about it, too. Every time we went to town, folks would say, "Here comes Bubba with them two assholes." 12/ Finally .. travel up North to see Mexico! 11/ Cancel Presidency for Dummies book deal. 10/ Sue the hell out of Dairy Queen for using my initials. 9/ Wife wants a vacation .. talk to Dole about that Niagra place he's been raving about. 8/ Return to Planet Ork, make final report to Orson. 7/ Eat a big bowl of ice cream for dinner, then stay up as late as I want to! 6/ Form exploratory committee to investigate running for Queen of England. 5/ Try to snag some VIP seats to the opening ceremonies for the upcoming Olympic Games in Atlanta. 4/ Stay focused and begin work on 2002 Presidential election. 3/ Try to have the best Pokemon collection of any politician. 2/ Call George W. Bush and wish him luck.. compliment him on how much younger he looks than when he was president. The time was 11:55 AM. Three minutes later, they got a call on their police radio, "33 in process, man in bank dressed as a banana." Well there was only 1 bank in town, in fact, it was just across from the coffee shop. And a 33 was an "armed robbery" but it was also just 11:58 AM and Josh and Big Hoss decided it was the dispatcher playing a joke on them. So they continued on enjoying their coffee break. At 12:01 PM, they got a second call on their radio, "Repeat, Urgent, 33 in process, man in bank dressed as a banana." Realizing it was past noon, they rushed across the street, but arrived 30 seconds after the banana split. While reflecting on their problem, the park administrators noticed Ed, a part time redneck intern, responsible for cleaning the animals' cages. Ed, like most rednecks, had little sense, but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of ANY species. So, the park administrators thought they might have a solution. Ed was approached with a proposition; would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for $500. Ed showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, Ed announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions. "First", he said. "I don't want to have to kiss her. Secondly, you must never tell anyone about this." The park administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they asked what was his third condition. "Well...........," said Ed. "You've gotta give me another week to come up with the five hundred bucks." I work as a Police Officer and regularly have to sit in on trials. There was a case where a woman had been assaulted, robbed, and almost raped in a park. A suspect was caught and the case went to trial. At the trial the suspect was sitting at the typical defense table and the woman was in the middle of testifying. The prosecutor asked the woman a standard question in that tone lawyers use sometimes to make it seem like they are talking to everyone in the room. He asked, "Is the man that did this to you in the courtroom today?" In response to this the "clever" suspect raised his hand. Bill P. |
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